Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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