The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have aggressive nipples.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
