Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
