dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
