You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
