Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize