Pappa wants mamma naked
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
