I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
