My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
