Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
