I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Shame - the story of my life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
