I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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