look no pants
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
