So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize