i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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