How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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