the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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