Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize