I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
