I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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