I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
