When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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