..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
