Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
