Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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