Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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