just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
