The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
