Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
