My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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