I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
