Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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