O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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