He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
