i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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