Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
