I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize