Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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