Your dad touched me again.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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