so explain again why im purple
no
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
