Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Please, let me fuck your mom
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
