Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
