so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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