My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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