I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
