I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just forgot I was standing up.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
