If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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