last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
