so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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