Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
