We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Holy shit dude........stairs
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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