When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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