I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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