I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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