You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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