im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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