maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize