I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
