Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
