Dual....:-)
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
