Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
