I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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