bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
