guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
