belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i was born a porn star she said
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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