problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
