i will never coherently bang her
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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