I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My bed is full of blood and feathers
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
