Nicole vs. Life
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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