I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
