uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
