last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
