Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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