It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
