I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
