My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
