I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
