they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
sarcasm needs its own font
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
