goodnight i made you a song goodbye
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
