Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
