i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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