She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you had me at cake vodka
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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