Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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