her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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