drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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