You can't special order awesome
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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