dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
