dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize