What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
