Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
