my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
