the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
